The Somali Sting

Too bad Redford and Newman are not around to read this script.

If, like me, you have ever wondered if there is a such a thing as a perfect crime, we know now there is.

Let’s say it would work something like this:

The mark is loaded with cash, and the alleged need for it is driven by panic and is incalculable, so much so the access to cash is unlimited. It is so big, Bernie Madoff is blushing from the grave.

As a matter of fact, there is so much to go around, it is enough to satisfy pretty much every gang and thief around and because the mark is so flush with cash, you will never have to worry about competition from the other thieves because nobody wants to create a stir that might be noticed.

The law—and the executors–are on the take as well. They aren’t going to hassle you for the same reason there won’t be any competition – there is enough for everyone, even for the greediest, and nobody wants the cash valve to be shut.

The beauty is that the source of the money and the executor are completely blind to where it is going and they never check—and you know they will never check—because the source doesn’t have the capability and the executor’s goal is just to keep the coffers full.

If you do get caught, the source will never prosecute you because they don’t want the attention and embarrassment – because the investors will want to know where the money is going—and remember, the law and the executors are on the take, so they aren’t going to say anything.

Your gang is made up of people who have a helpful characteristic, they are minorities that garner almost suicidal sympathy from the executor and the source of the funds, a helpful aspect of their involvement.

If the scam is ever discovered, the only recourse of the source of the funds really has is to shut off the money pipeline, which will disadvantage your gang, but will also hurt a lot of innocent people, so the likelihood of that happening is extremely low.

The ring leader of on the side of the law outwardly appears to be an affable dunce, a guy not smart enough to add two and two without a calculator, but he’s really the Kaiser Sose of this story. He and his lieutenants have been watching the people who have been orchestrating the whole thing and taking their cut, but keeping at arm’s length to maintain plausible deniability in case the operation does blow up.

The scam almost tipped over when one of the lieutenants was caught on tape conspiring with the heads of the minority gang about protection, but luckily, another law enforcement group started going after another unrelated group of sympathetic criminals and the public became outraged enough to provide a major distraction by interfering with the other law enforcement group.

I guess the real question is this: “Will anyone do time and will Kaiser Sose and his gang get away with it?”

Where are the Untouchables when you need them?

By “it”, of course, I mean the Great Grift, the Minnesota Moonlighting Miracle, the Somali Sting, a scam so audacious, if they were alive, Redford and Newman would star in the movie about it.