The Art and Science of Self-Validation
One doesn't need the swashbuckling confidence of Errol Flynn to be comfortable with one's own mind and soul.
One wonders if at least part of our current social issues is that we have come to a point in American history where most people who are searching for validation are looking externally, rather than internally, for it.
I began to think about that after a series of conversations with people on the left who simply do not believe Biden has done anything wrong and that Hunter and the purloined classified documents are not problems. These are the same people who refused to believe there were any scandals during the Obama administration because they weren’t told by the New York Times, the Washington Post or any of the Democrat operatives with bylines in the mainstream media.
Essentially, they have ignored their own intellect and before considering the Biden and Obama issues as “scandals”, want, in essence, some of their favored institutions to validate them by putting an official stamp of approval on the issues.
It’s the same for all things Trump. They believe everything about Trump (in office or out) is an existential problem for our Republic (and global climate) because these same sources are telling them he is.
A few years ago, we had a debate in our community about LGBTQ matters coming to our school system – I debated with the transgender author of a letter to the editor that proposed maybe the community should be “less welcoming” to conservatives until they saw the light. It struck me that the push from the LGBTQ community has a lot to do with being officially validated and they want to use state mandated actions to gain that validation.
Then I thought back to my parents and especially to my grandparents and how they didn’t look for external validation. My grandfather was a good man because he was good, not because anyone in the “official” cadre designated him as such. The folks in rural Mississippi weren’t good because they went to church, the church was a force for good because good people chose to be part of that church.
In the fields of rural, agrarian Mississippi, one’s validation had to come from inside, from the internal confidence in one’s own faith in God, the morality stemming from that faith, knowledge, and actions. People like my maternal grandfather and grandmother were true patriarchs and matriarchs, true leaders, teachers, and examples for the family.
As industrialization and urbanization changed America, so was the search for individual validation changed. We went from self-validation to validation by bosses, organizations, and government – and in handing this validation off to others, created instability and chaos in our lives. Being certain and stalwart became a liability in our tilt toward Orwellian society. Most now need approval from and external Big Brother to feel validated and worthy.
If you don’t receive that nod from the New York Times, you are a “conspiracy theorist”.
The issue is that living for external validation cedes the ultimate control of your life to someone else – and do not kid yourself, those in power know it. They know that by simply patting the weak minded on the head and telling them what a good dog they are will result in loyalty and control.
I have a personal acquaintance, a young man who is double degreed in engineering disciplines, who simply doesn’t know how smart he is. He looks to management for direction and validation because he lacks self-confidence. He gages his worth by the amount of praise he receives from his upper management.
You don’t have to be Errol Flynn swinging from a yardarm with cutlass in hand (people of a certain age will get that reference), but you owe it to yourself to be confident in your own capabilities and your own intellect.
Being uncertain, fearful, and needy is no way to go about life in a free society – actually, it is the antithesis of freedom and one of the reasons our young people are crying out for the regimentation, and ultimately the oppression, of dictatorial collectivism.
That’s a high price for validation – too high a price if you ask me - especially when validation is something one can earn for themselves.
This reminded me of the end of the Scrooged movie with Bill Murray - where he is in front of the camera and states that he sees the light and says: It can happen every day, you've just got to want that feeling. And if you like it and you want it, you'll get greedy for it! You'll want it every day of your life and it can happen to you!
Murray, in his character was touting the feeling of Goodness in the celebration of Christmas, only I think the ones you are talking about in your article want to celebrate the need for Validation - likes it's their holiday! And they for sure are greedy for it!
When we're young and just getting started, most of us seek some form of external validation to "know" we're doing it right. At a certain point in my life, fairly early, I realized most other people, including bosses, just didn't know any better than I did what "right looked like" and I was better off going with my critical thinking and coming up with "outside the box" imaginative solutions. I was a difficult subordinate in that way and even labeled "toxic" at one point! Whatever. I had a successful military career, making it through colonel in an institution that promoted conformity. That's my mentoring lesson to the younger crowd. Not sure how many of them would embrace that challenge. But you're right: at a fairly early age, one must learn to self-assess and self-validate. Or what kind of man are you?