Stop Trying to Make Fetch Happen
According to my Unified Theory of Assholes, it's not going to happen.
Last night, my wife and I were talking about the constant assault on our senses and intellect.
It started when one of the mindless newsreaders on our local TV news reported on something so idiotic and contradictory that the report could not possibly been factual - and yet, she delivered it in measured, "trust me, I'm a news anchor", tones and dropped it without question before moving on to the next story.
My wife knew the report was wrong because in the course of her work, she had read the education bill the report was allegedly about and knew it did not say or require what the talking head said it did.
Later, I was telling her about an article I read about a black woman, a Diversity, Equity and Inclusion "official", who had accused black city officials where she worked of creating a 'toxic work environment' and perpetuating 'anti-black' racism.
The lovely and talented Mrs. Smith openly wondered how that worked, how black officials could be racist against a former black employee, since the very basis of racism is race. She noted how contradictory a position like that was and how it must be maddening to experience cognitive dissonance of that magnitude every day of a life.
She noted that, like the character Gretchen (portrayed by Purvis, Mississippi native Lacey Chabert) in the movie Mean Girls trying to make "fetch" happen, the left is trying to make a new form of logic happen that can explain their positions and it isn't working because the human mind isn't wired that way.
She opined that this situation was an attempt to explain irrational individual positions and behaviors by applying guilt collectively.
We decided that this environment is the basis for a large portion of the anger and stress in America today because sane people are trying to square the circle of completely irrational and illogical arguments and positions like this one. She wondered about the futility of even trying.
Just after we finished that conversation, Fox News ran a clip of Jamal Bowman, the New York representative with three degrees (although one of them is a Doctorate of Education like Dr. Jill), who came out in front of TV cameras and say that moves to ban TikTok, China’s information dragnet, are rooted in xenophobia.
That prompted me top reveal my theory why such stupid things happen.
I told Mrs. Smith that I had a far less complicated explanation for situations like the black white supremacy and Bowman's xenophobia accusations - it's something I call the Unified Theory of Assholes.
I opt for this theory because I applied William of Occam's Razor to the situation, mostly because while these accusers are often officially credentialled, they have been poorly educated and measured in real world standards, are poor thinkers and are truly just not very smart.
My theory is that in most of these situations the accuser is simply just an asshole and nobody liked them outside their own smaller group of similar assholes. The accusers can't make the square peg fit in the round hole because it doesn't fit and will never fit, and they need to blame someone else for their own irrationality.
I'm not sure Mrs. Smith is completely aligned with my UTA. but she did agree that we suffer too many fools, especially the one in the White House.
Society has elevated these assholes to protected status and that needs to stop.
Telling someone "That's the dumbest damn thing I have ever heard" would stop a lot of this idiocy.
We need to be more like Regina George (Rachel McAdams) in Mean Girls and just tell the left to stop trying to make "fetch" happen. It's not going to happen.
Thanks for giving me a good laugh to start my day! 😂
Applying the statistical Central Limit Theorem, given a Normal Distribution of Assholes, there will still be a few Outliers. Having been brought up in logic and having critical thinking skills, your BS detector is in fine tune.