Push and Pull

Knowing when to do either is the key.

The one event stranger than Bernie and Sandy’s “Fight the Oligwarchy” Tour – which features private planes and lots of expensive events - is the Joe and Jill “Still Not Crazy After All These Years” rehab tour, featuring Joe as the former president and Jill as his Rasputin. Of course, the latter tour features only safe venues – like The View and MSNBC - favorable to the ex-president and will never ask anything other than scripted questions - just like the old White House press conference days!

I belly laughed when I heard Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana describe Biden and his presidency thusly:

'I watched him for four years, he and his people, pushing on a door that was clearly marked 'Pull.''

Joe Biden’s presidency was less about policy and more about a Sisyphean showdown with a White House door sporting a neon “Pull” sign. Picture Joe, aviators fogged with determination, hurling his full Scranton-born weight against that door like it personally vetoed his infrastructure bill. “C’mon, man!” he’d bellow, shoulder smacking glass, while aides stage-whispered, “Sir, it’s pull, not push!” But Joe? He’s not just pushing - he’s committed, leaning in like he’s facing down a MAGA rally.

It started Inauguration Day. Joe, high on unity vibes, charged the door, promising to open new paths. The door laughed, unmoved. He called it “a metaphor for resilience.” Staffers plastered Post-its: “PULL, MR. PRESIDENT!” Joe mistook them for sandwich orders, muttering about deli mustard. By year two, he was blaming “Trump’s greasy fingerprints” for the door’s defiance. Kamala suggested a yoga retreat to “visualize pulling.” Joe misheard, doubled down, and pulled a hamstring.

The economy tanked? Borders strained? Joe swore he’d fix it, just as soon as he cracked that door. World leaders, Zooming in, watched him body-slam the handle like a WWE audition. “Joe, pull!” Trudeau pleaded. Joe grinned, shoved harder, and launched into a yarn about his ’67 Corvette. X erupted: “Biden’s Door Fiasco: Day 842.” Memes of Joe vs. the door went viral, outpacing Kanye’s latest meltdown. One post read, “Door: 1, Joe: 0. Send help.”

Year three, the door was a cultural juggernaut. QAnon swore it was a Deep State portal. Progressives sold “Push for Justice” hoodies. Fox News ran 24/7 “DoorGate” coverage, with Tucker’s ghost claiming Joe’s pushing was “un-American.” Joe, undaunted, held a Rose Garden presser, mid-shove: “This door’s a job creator!” He’d hired 72 knob-shiners and a “Door Czar.” When inflation hit 12%, he pivoted: “Folks, this door’s teaching us patience!” Aides wept.

By year four, the door had its own X account (@BidenBane), posting cryptic taunts: “Still pushing, Joe?” Tourists snapped selfies with the sign. On his final day, Joe gave a tearful push, suit wrinkled, hair askew. “I opened America’s heart,” he croaked, as a janitor casually pulled the door open. Joe shuffled through, only to spot another door. Same sign. Same stubborn refusal.

He squared up, ready for round two but alas, it was not to be. After three and three quarters years cheering him on in his futility, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer and the money people in the Democrat Party showed him the door, and pulled it open for him. Biden had worked at it so long, he never noticed that the sign over the threshold said “EXIT”.

America, exhausted, laughed through the pain. The door became Biden’s legacy: one epic, misguided shove when all it took was a tug. X users summed it up: “Joe pushed so we could pull.” Somewhere, that door stands, unyielding, dreaming of a quiet life, while Joe’s tale of grit and gaffes lives on as the presidency that turned a simple exit into a national punchline.