Punch the Bully in the Nose
Sometimes conservatives get things done to them because they allow them to be done to them.
This morning, I have been rolling over and over in my mind about this question:
Why is it that we on the right seem get it stuck to us so often?
Then I remembered something my granddaddy told me when I was dealing with a bully in the third grade.
“Son, sometimes we get things done to us because we allow them to be done to us.”
I’ve told the story about the bully before – but this is what led to my planting a bony little fist on the bully’s honker to begin my emancipation.
You must wonder if we get so much crap simply because we allow it.
The conservative movement seems locked in a condition very similar to the “battered wife” or Stockholm Syndrome.
“In clinical practice, some of the most surprised and shocked individuals are those who have been involved in controlling and abusive relationships. When the relationship ends, they offer comments such as “I know what he’s done to me, but I still love him”, “I don’t know why, but I want him back”, or “I know it sounds crazy, but I miss her”. Recently I’ve heard “This doesn’t make sense. He’s got a new girlfriend and he’s abusing her too…but I’m jealous!” Friends and relatives are even more amazed and shocked when they hear these comments or witness their loved one returning to an abusive relationship. While the situation doesn’t make sense from a social standpoint, does it make sense from a psychological viewpoint? The answer is — Yes!
In the final analysis, emotionally bonding with an abuser is actually a strategy for survival for victims of abuse and intimidation. The “Stockholm Syndrome” reaction in hostage and/or abuse situations is so well recognized at this time that police hostage negotiators no longer view it as unusual. In fact, it is often encouraged in crime situations as it improves the chances for survival of the hostages. On the downside, it also assures that the hostages experiencing “Stockholm Syndrome” will not be very cooperative during rescue or criminal prosecution. Local law enforcement personnel have long recognized this syndrome with battered women who fail to press charges, bail their battering husband/boyfriend out of jail, and even physically attack police officers when they arrive to rescue them from a violent assault.”
We can show people a path to freedom and liberty, we can say all the right words and do all the right things and even unlock the metaphorical cell door – but we cannot force people to walk through that unlocked door. They must make an individual choice to leave the prison. Some simply won’t. Some will go back in the cell and pull the door closed, waiting on their jailers to come and take care of them because they have become conditioned to that behavior – because it has become their life.
A few years ago, I ran across a 2008 study conducted by Kristen Jule of the University of Exeter that seems relevant.
She studied over 2,000 captive animals (all carnivores) that were released but unfortunately found that less than a third of them survived even the first 6 months. It has also been found that not only do the offspring of captive animals lose their ability to hunt and forage for themselves, but they also lose the ability over time to even care for their own offspring – offspring rearing skills are forgotten leading to entire generations of animals who are incapable of independent survival in their natural environment. The animal family becomes dependent on a third party for individual survival and eventually for the survival of their offspring.
Many of these lessons were harshly learned in the early days of the environmental/animal rights movements when animals were released into the wild after a life of captivity. These “reintroductions” rarely went well and many of the animals were quickly killed by predators or were so oblivious to hazards posed by roadways or automobiles that they were simply hit and killed.
In other words, when you are kept captive for too long, you lose the skills necessary to protect yourself.
I think that is true when faced with a constant bombardment of leftist propaganda.
Sometimes I feel as if I am stuck in a London basement as the V-2 rockets rain down from overhead.
I think that is what makes our interactions on social media so important, we ask people to think – to argue and debate. It’s OK to have another opinion but if you are going to spout off about it, you better be ready to bring the facts to back it up because we are a bunch of skeptics around here.
We are the modern pamphleteers. We are the heirs of Thomas Paine and the writers of the Federalist and Anti-Federalist papers. Whether 100, 2,000 or 50,000 people read what we write – if only one reads anything here and it causes them to go “Hmmmmm, never thought of it like that…”, we are successful.
The fact is that a critically thinking citizenry is primary to the success of a Republic. Discourse is important to creating that skill.
If we continue to grow a society that cannot recognize facts, how can we ever expect that society to face them?
I think it is critical to remember what my granddaddy said.
Sometimes we get things done to us because we allow them to be done.
I was in an abusive relationship once. Probably most of us have. I got out. Part of the problem is once a person does something unacceptable we don’t instantly leave. (Now I would.). Instead we talk it out. If we are normal. The abuser can wait a few months and do it again. Because we’ve already agreed to allow that! After two or three same level episodes they can ramp it up a notch. Not a massive amount. But one good step above. And so on. Until you find yourself in a situation that after you think ‘how in the world do I allow that?’ Here is the key - when you’re not being abused you exaggerate how wonderful the person is when they’re being non abusive. Because it feels Great to not be abused. I had a friend in a lousy marriage. She told me things were much better after counseling. She told me the ‘nice’ things he was now allowing. Things like letting her talk to girlfriends, or even - get this - allowing a girlfriend to come over and visit! He was sooooo kind. I was stunned. I knew the marriage sucked. But I said ‘you’re in an abusive relationship. These aren’t nice things. They’re normal things. These seem nice to you only because the alternate way of acting is really bad. It makes normal pleasantries seem Way way better.’ I’m pleased to say they are now divorced. Sort of. They still live together and they’re divorced. Once their youngest graduates from high school she will leave. It’s a step.